In my previous article why do we hate getting advice i explained how we humans usually don't like the idea of being told what to do. I have also said that this happens for more than reason which includes Ego issues, wanting to be right and believing that the person giving advice is trying to put us down.
This is why the art of giving advice is a bit tricky. You can try to give advice to a person to motivate him to do something only to find that your advice backfired. Generally people need to be handled in a certain way in order for them not to find the advice offending.
Am pretty sure you have been given advice before but you didn't feel good about it. Whether the person giving advice was a close friend or a relative you must have felt unhappy about it.
The first thing you need to put in mind is that the person receiving the advice doesn't want to feel that you are trying to prove him wrong, put him down or challenge their Ego. In other words if your advice seemed liked it's coming from someone who has bad intentions then the advice might backfire.
This is why the most important thing you need to focus on when giving advice is the way you give it. If your advice was emotionally charged with anger or any other negative emotion then the person might get it totally wrong even if you didn't mean anything bad. See why negative comments hurt.
If your advice included criticism , a certain level of bullying or sarcasm then it might also backfire. All of those tactics trigger the person's Ego, his stubbornness and his desire to be right.
Instead your advice must be mixed with a lot of sympathy. You need to really understand how the person is feeling and then you need to find a way to help him out.
The right way to give advice is to show a person that you are on his side instead of trying to prove that you are right and that he is wrong. Just see the difference between those two pieces of advice:
The two advice are almost identical but the first can trigger the person's defenses while the second is very likely to make him cooperative.
Let's be honest. Sometimes we give advice to achieve our own personal goals. Yes a part of us might want to help that friend in need but another part might want to achieve some other goal.
Some examples of those goals are feeling in control, feeling superior to your friend, proving yourself right, believing that you are smart and the list goes on.
Now when you have any of those intentions while giving the advice your way of talking will change and your friend will sense that intention. As a result the advice might not only fail to achieve its goal but your friend might actually get angry at you.
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