Handling a tough situation

when was the last time you messed up while talking to people you barley know?
When was the last time you made a mistake related to communication that made you feel ashamed of your self?
Are your communication skills poor?

Few days ago i was discussing business ideas with some friends. Because the matter was so private i didn't want any stranger to know about the topics. While we were talking an acquaintance of one my friends showed up unexpectedly and within minutes he was sitting with us on the same table.

With papers about our upcoming project on the table it was almost impossible to hide the information from that guy. Within the first few seconds it was clear to me that the guy likes to talk about himself so i kept asking him indirect questions that would force him to talk about his achievements.

After one hour of talking about himself the guy had to leave and not a single information about our project was leaked out.

you might be wondering.
How did i know that this guy likes to talk about himself?
And how did i choose my questions?
And why wasn't he curious to ask about the project?

How to become a master communicator

Not so long ago i had a brilliant business idea in mind and after telling it to a person i barely knew i found him copying it exactly. This was the first time where i realized that you should hide important information from people you barley know.

I remember the last time i tried to hide an important topic from someone i became anxious and it was obvious that i was hiding something. The guy didn't like what happened and i personally wasn't satisfied with the way i handled it. This was the time when i discovered that to change the topic you don't have to do it by force but you just have to let the person talk about something he likes.

So why am i telling you these stories?
Its to show you that becoming a master communicator is all about learning from your past mistakes. Hadn't i made those mistakes before i wouldn't have been able to avoid them later on and thus i wouldn't have been able to handle the last situation properly. (see also Why do some people never learn from their mistakes)

Why aren't your communication skills improving

1) Because you are afraid to make mistakes: If you think that making mistakes is shameful then you will never be able to develop your skills or learn anything new (see also Getting over the fear of making mistakes)
2) Because you don't analyze your mistakes: All people make mistakes while communicating with others but those who never analyze them never learn from them. After you make a mistake try to visualize different scenarios for handling that situation until you come up with the best way to handle a similar one in the future. You can also ask friends for help until you figure out how you will handle a similar situation the next time

Becoming a master communicator is all about evolution. The more you face new situations and the more you learn from them the closer you become to being a master communicator.

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