How to communicate properly with other people

I have said earlier in one of my articles that each person sees reality in a different way according to his own beliefs and background.

2 different people could go through the same exact situation yet each of them gives the situation a completely different meaning.

If you are wondering what is the factor that is responsible for the emotions you get after experiencing a certain situation then let me tell you that the meaning you give to an event is the main factor that is responsible for the emotions you experience during and after that event. (see also Where do emotions come from)

So what does this has to do with communicating properly with other people?

Since every person sees the same situations in a different way each one of them will communicate with others based on the meanings he gave to such situations. This leads us to conclude that the person who gets closer to seeing the real reality is the one who is going to communicate properly with others.

Communicating properly with people and seeing the right reality

Yesterday i was sitting with a group of people who were all new to each other. One of the girls who were there was playing with her IPad and then suddenly she asked the question "I have a profile picture that has 31 likes on Facebook, shall i change it?"

We have all been through that situation but each one of us might have gave it a completely different meaning. A person who lacks self confidence might have assumed that the girl is arrogant and that she doesn't enjoy his company.

A person who knows little about proper communications between people might have assumed that the girl was showy and unfriendly.

a third person might have assumed that the girl is telling the group that she is too good for them.

But what was the real reality??

The girl liked the group and wanted to become closer to them but because she wasn't sure if they liked her or not she tried to show them that other people like her as well and that's why she mentioned the number of likes she got.

Based on the last interpretation the proper way to communicate with that girl should be talking to her even more and asking her questions.

Now most people in the group backed off because they interpreted her words in a different way or in other words they didn't see reality properly.

How to communicate properly with anyone?

The first step you must take in order to insure that you are going to communicate properly with people is to train yourself to see reality well. The following factors could prevent you from seeing the true reality so make sure you deal with them:

Friends brainwashing each other: One guy could have possibly told his friends that the girl in the previous example is arrogant and so he might have affected their own perception of reality. Friends affect the way we see reality greatly and being cautious while listening to them is an extreemly important action that you must do. (see How your friends influence you)
Limiting beliefs and false ones: In the Solid Self confidence program i said that preexisting limiting beliefs such as "All beautiful people are arrogant" will certainly affect your perception of reality and as a result prevent you from communicating properly with people
Low self esteem: Low self esteem is the most popular factor that makes others see reality incorrectly. A person who lacks self esteem will always interpret the moves and actions of others in an incorrect way that proves to him that people don't like him. If you are serious about communicating properly with others then you must start building your self esteem now

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Want to know more?

How to communicate effectively with people

How emotions affect communication

Eye contact and communicating with people properly

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