How To End A Bad Relationship?

Have you ever found it hard to walk away from someone Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that make us miserable more than happy and yet still we can’t end them.

Have you ever felt too much attached to a person to leave him/her although in your heart you know that you would be better off without him/her?

You must have heard the piece of advice that tells you to think of all the awful things that your partner has done to you because then your feelings of anger towards him/her would make you end the relationship easily.

If you don’t already know, let me tell you this doesn’t work. If you feel stuck in a dead-end relationship, research tells you that there are a few things that can help you end this unhealthy relationship.

Ways to end a relationship

1)Love or Addiction?: Studies have shown that when romantic partners who were strongly in love were exposed to photos of their beloved the brain regions that became activated are the same regions that are activated in cocaine addicts when they want cocaine. Love may be very similar to addiction so if you are trying to break free from a relationship where you feel strongly attached to your partner, you should be aware of your mental processes. In other words, you should react to your feelings scientifically rather than emotionally.
For example, after a week of not calling the person you are trying to break up with, you would feel like you miss this person and think, “But I really do love him/her. I should call him/her right now.” But if you are aware of the nature of your addiction you would think, “Interesting, there goes my caudate nucleus releasing dopamine and producing a sensation of longing. I’m beginning my journey of recovery.” Knowing what to expect makes it easier to deal with the “withdrawal symptoms”. (see also Healing a broken heart in 24 hours)
2)Fight Cognitive Dissonance: Our minds have a tricky way of justifying our actions so that we would never have to blame ourselves or feel like we did something stupid or made a mistake. This is called cognitive dissonance. (That is why, for example, we find ourselves trying to find fault with a job that we turned down once we make the decision to take another.) Ending a relationship that you have felt stuck in means having to accept the fact that you should have ended it a long time ago and that not doing this was a mistake. If you can’t admit this to yourself you might find yourself continuing to justify your staying in the relationship. Being aware of the way your mind works would allow you to use the previously mentioned “self-compassion” to overcome the feelings of self-blame. This way cognitive dissonance would lose its job in your mind and you would be able to think clearly.
3)Self-compassion: If you are trying to end a relationship with someone, you would need both the comfort of knowing that everything will be fine in the end and the motivation to make a change. In order to give yourself both comfort and encouragement without either lying to yourself or being too harsh on yourself, you should be self-compassionate. Self-compassion means telling yourself that you are not a horrible person and that it is understandable to be attached to a person even when you know that you should not be with him/her any longer. Self-compassion also means caring for yourself and doing what is best for yourself which means not staying in a relationship that is hurting you.
4)Make Plans: Research suggests that people are good at making big changes with their lives when they make plans. If you are trying to escape from or delay breaking up with your partner then your plans say, “If I feel lonely and miss him/her then I’ll call him/her”. Instead the “then” part of the plan could be replaced with a behavior that can make you feel better in the long run such as calling a friend. The more you practice making decisions other than calling your partner, the more your mind will get used to the fact that calling him/her is no longer an option.
5) Avoid peer pressure: Try to ignore the pressure of the people around you. Your friends and family may get divided into two groups: one that would always reassure you that your partner really loves you and that everything will work out in the end and another group that may unintentionally make you feel bad about yourself and tell you that you must be crazy, weak or pathetic to stay with such a partner. Both groups mean well and want to support you but you if you keep listening to them you will feel torn and confused. Because you are already lost between being attached to your partner and wanting to break up with him/her. The solution is to step back from all people and ask yourself, “What do you really want?” Only you have the answer.

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