Dealing with difficult children and problem children

We usually use the word difficult when we fail to understand someone correctly. Its so common for a parent to describe his child using the word difficult because of not being able to understand the dynamics of his beahviour.

In order to deal with difficult children, as we call them, you must first understand the reasons behind their actions.

According to individual psychology each action that a person, or a child in this case, takes serves a logical goal even if it appeared very weird.

For example a stubborn child might be labeled difficult by his parents but when the parent understands that stubbornness can be a defense mechanism that the child develops in order to prevent the over controlling parent from manipulating him things become clear!!

If that child was reassured that no one is trying to control him or suppress his will then he wont be stubborn and we won't consider him a difficult or a problem child.

Dealing with difficult children in school

So how to deal with difficult children in school? Before i can answer this question i must first ask you another one. Is that problem child acting that way in his home too? or does this only happen in school?

According to individual psychology children develop certain desires and drives at their early years as a result of the experiences they pass through and then they spend the rest of their lives trying to fulfill these desires and drives.

If a child was an only child then in most cases he will be at the center of attention at home. Now that child will try to maintain his position whenever he goes. If he found himself in the same position in school then he would never be a problem child but if he felt that others are preferred to him he might become a problem child just to capture attention.

This explains why some children can be difficult children at school and calm children at home or vise versa. If the child was prevented from reaching an important psychological goal then he might turn into a difficult child in an attempt to fulfill his desires.

Examples of difficult behavior for children

Some children steal money from their own parents. Those children either want to draw attention to them or want to take revenge from their parents as a result of feeling that their parents prefer their siblings over them.

Bullies are children who were incorrectly taught that violence is a good solution to problems. Usually this happens in a home where there is a lot of violence taking place between parents. Now if that child felt unloved in school he might start bullying weak victims to collect fans.

As you just saw once you understand the dynamics of the child's behavior you won't call him difficult any more.

Some children do whatever they can to avoid studying and they end up being called problem children while in fact they lack self esteem and they avoid taking any test that would reveal their true intelligence. They develop that brilliant plan of avoiding studying all together so that they can blame their inability to study for their bad marks. In the Solid Self confidence program i said that such clever self deception methods are used by both children and adults in an attempt to protect their self esteem.

How to deal with difficult children in school and everywhere else

Here is how to deal with difficult children in school or everywhere else:

Educate yourself about child psychology: Don't worry you don't have to read tons of books, all the articles you need are found here on 2knowmyself. Without understanding the child's psychology you will always see him as a difficult child instead of a human being who is desperately trying to reach a certain goal
Understand the goal the child is trying to reach: What goal is the difficult child trying to achieve by his problematic behavior? is he trying to get attention? is he avoiding testing his self worth? is he trying to avenge himself from the cruelness of others? once you know that goal the child is trying to reach you can easily change his behavior
How to change the behavior of a difficult child? By simply helping that child to achieve his goal in a different way that is constructive the child will easily be able to give up his problematic behavior. For example if a child is trying to get attention by being a problem child you can easily help him gain that attention by being the first or by answering class questions in front of others.

Should you beat difficult children?

Beating or spanking children is one of the biggest mistakes parents and some school teachers make. If the child is trying to reach a certain goal and he was beaten he will always find another way to reach that goal because its hard coded in his mind.

Beating a difficult child is like punishing someone who drank dirty water because he is very thirsty. Sooner or later that person will find something else to drink because of his thirst even if that thing was toxic.

In order to help that difficult child you should never beat him but guide him to the clean water, only then he will never think about drinking the toxic one because after all he only cares about ending his thirst in any possible way.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

The Solid confidence program was launched by 2knowmyself.com; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

Want to know more?

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Dealing with a difficult person

What makes a child stutter?

How childhood experiences affect adulthood

Dealing with spoiled children

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