Humans are anything but rational especially when it comes to judging others

Did you get a bad remark about your looks from someone who doesn't like you?
Before you can assume that he was right you need to know few facts about the way the brain works.

The more you will learn about psychology the more you will discover how irrational people can be especially when it comes to judging others. In my previous article How your eyes can deceive you i explained how our brains alter our perception so that we only see what we want to see.

Here is a very simple example that happened to us all: have you ever had a crush on someone then saw him somewhere only to discover that its a just a person who barley looks him? How many times you encountered people who seemed to look like that person you liked?

I bet it happens often and the reason it happens is that your brain was just trying to help you find that person you liked and so it distorted your perception to help you find him faster. Now the question is, how does that mechanism work when someone hates you?

5 Reasons why a hater might find you ugly

1) Perception is intended to support beliefs: If someone hates you then his perception will change to support his beliefs about you and as a result he might see you in a different way than the way others see you. Its so normal for a hater to think that you are less attractive than you really are (see also Why a jealous friend might find you unattractive)
2) Perception supports Psychological Goals: Each person has many psychological goals at any point of time. Examples of these goals are seeking attention, being loved, proving himself right or proving that someone is worthless. Because perception changes to support psychological goals its so normal for a person who wants to prove that you are worthless to think that you are ugly or much less attractive than you truly are
3) Focusing on the flaws: Perception can easily be distorted by dropping certain pieces of information and focusing on others. If you have one not so attractive facial feature then most probably a hater will focus on it while ignoring all other beautiful features you have. In such a case the hater won't only think that you are unattractive but he will have a solid proof to support his opinion. The only problem is that his proof is based on a distorted perception
4) Giving very high weight to those flaws: No one is perfect and we all have certain flaws in our looks but a hater will ignore this fact and might assume that you are really ugly just because he gave a very high weight to one of your flaws.
5) Looking for more flaws: A hater will keep looking for the flaws of the people he hates and as a result of this continues search he might actually see things that don't exist or find out flaws that can barely be seen by others.

What happens when you hate yourself

People who aren't that confident or who dislike themselves usually see an uglier image when they look at the mirror than the image others see. In my previous article Why a mirror can't really tell you how you look like i said that you can make those same perception errors if you aren't happy with who you are.

Notice that all of those perception errors happen on the unconscious level and appear so real. In other words a hater won't know that he is actually constructing images that don't exist but he will strongly believe that you are ugly.

In my book The psychology of physical attraction i explained how so many people dislike their looks as a result of developing imagined ugliness disorder which is a disorder that stems from seeing an image of themselves that doesn't really exist in reality.

Watch out, You can't always trust your eyes because your mind interferes often.

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Want to know more?

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How your experience database affects your perception of attractiveness

Why do people perceive physical attractiveness differently

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