How the right words can lead to the wrong things

After Analyzing So many motivational speeches and quotes i came to realize that the most effective ones have so many things in common. I also discovered that the ones that aren't that effective usually have the same mistakes in them.

Some people think that saying anything positive or good can change someone to the better but in fact even positive words can backfire when used incorrectly. Here are some explanations:

1) Inner resistance: Some people resist advice and could even do the opposite of what they are being told just to assert their opinion (see also Why do people stick to their incorrect opinions)
2) Belief mismatch: Once you go against someone's beliefs he will feel uncomfortable even if you were saying good stuff (see also How people Twist the facts to support their beliefs)
3) Triggering the Ego: Once someone's Ego is involved he might resist just to protect his self worth

In short, positive words can have so many negative effects if used incorrectly. Here is a very simple example, If you said to a very depressed person that everything can be solved using positive thinking then the following is likely to happen:

Your friend will evaluate the statement and compare it with the life events that happened to him then he will realize that it doesn't make sense then he will feel worse!

How to change people using words

So how can you use words to change people without triggering their defenses?
The mistake most people do when saying positive words is that they never keep an eye on what's going on inside the mind of the person they are talking to.

In the Super powers course i said that in order to affect a person using words you need to make sure that your words match his internal system perfectly and in addition to this you need to keep changing your words as his thoughts change.

Here is a simple example: If you believe in luck then i told you "luck doesn't exist" then you will certainly resist my words.

Now what if i told you that Harry potter's manuscript was rejected more than once before it became popular? What if i told you that the script of the movie rocky was rejected as well before it became popular? What if i told you that the character mickey mouse was rejected 5 times before it got accepted?

Won't you conclude that the more someone tries to reach something the more likely he is going to get it? What if i told you that i started 6 businesses and they all failed before the last one made me successful?

Now after listening to those stories what would be your response if i told you that "the more you try the luckier you get?"

Won't that statement appeal much more to your brain than the first one?

Change your words as the person's thoughts change

Of course you might not believe me instantly but at least my words are going to be more effective than if i just threw the positive words at you then left.

"I know that you tried and failed and i know that some of your friends did but ever thought about the people who also tried and failed so many times before they succeeded? What if Walt Disney gave up after the 4th attempt? What if you are the next Walt Disney? What if you never tried again?"

How do you feel now after those words? Again i am acknowledging your beliefs (that life is hard and that people don't always succeed) but i just did one additional thing which is showing you why it happens. (see also Inspiring stories of successful people)

In short, In order to affect someone you don't just need to say positive words but you need to keep changing your words as his thoughts change. As soon as a question or a doubt comes to his mind you should change your words to answer that question and remove his doubts.

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