The process of building self confidence is not as hard as it seems. What makes people take years trying to build their self confidence without success is that they try to get this self confidence by striving for external approval instead of examining their belief systems.
They dedicate their lives to achieve some goals and then think that as soon as they achieve them they will become confident. These goals can be things like:
1)finding someone who loves me
2)becoming famous
3)becoming rich
While these are good goals still they can never bring you self confidence. You can be the richest and most famous person around yet have no self confidence because unless self confidence comes from within it can never be felt.
This article will give you a quick overview of the variables involved in the process of building self confidence. If you understood them well and applied them, surely your self confidence will increase with a quicker rate.
Your current level of self confidence is the result of the hundreds of beliefs you hold about yourself and your abilities. If you think that you are not handsome, a boring person or yet another ordinary guy then most probably this will be reflected in your behavior.
You may become more shy and withdrawn just to avoid the pain of letting someone notice one of these bad things you know about yourself. So we can conclude that step one in building self confidence quickly is to examine your belief system.
Your belief system may also be responsible for making you depressed. In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how building beliefs such as "life is unfair" or "i am not lucky" can be the root cause for depression.
Your behavior is a direct result of your beliefs. If you think that you can never perform well in a presentation then whenever you will start to speak you will experience intense fear which will further prevent you from performing well. After several times of poor performance both the audience and your subconscious mind will become convinced that you are not a good public speaker.
As you just saw, if the belief was not there the poor performance wouldn’t have happened and so the belief wouldn’t have been solidified. The conclusion we can make is that lack of self confidence starts with a belief and then the behavior further asserts this belief.
Even the feedback you get from others is a result of your belief system. If you had a belief that you don’t know how to pick good clothes then you will interpret every weird look from others as a sign of disapproval to your overall looks.
Each day you will get tens or even hundreds of confirmations that strengthens the belief that you already have and usually none of these confirmations will provide a clear evidence.
So the conclusion you should have reached is: 99% of the feedback you get about yourself is based on your imagination and your false perception. Again the belief was the seed and the false evidences were the water that made the seed grow.
I have met lots of people who have self confidence issues because they think that they are ugly, boring or even worthless and most of them were way different than these beliefs they hold about themselves.
They just acquired some false beliefs when they were small children then created a virtual world that kept reinforcing these beliefs until they became solid facts.
If you are one of those people then you must challenge these beliefs by Asking yourself these questions:
1)What are the sources of my beliefs about myself?
2)Am I getting real feedback or is it just my imagination?
3)Even if I am getting bad feedback, couldn’t it be because of my behavior?
4)And if the problem is in my behavior, isn’t my behavior a result of my beliefs?
Keep asking yourself these questions whenever you feel that your self confidence is betraying you. Few weeks later or few months later you will discover that most of these beliefs had nothing to do with reality and so your self confidence will improve quickly.
2knowmyself is not a simple article website nor it’s a place where you will find shallow fixes, but it’s a place where you will find effective techniques that are backed by psychology and that are presented in obvious and understandable format. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself. The book “How to get over someone in few days” was released by 2knowmyself, the book is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.
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